im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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