is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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