I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
