she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
