tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
