my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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