dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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