...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
