i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She bit a glass in half.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
