I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
