she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
