Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
