I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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