you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
