I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize