He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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