do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
