I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
