If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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