Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
