she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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