Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
