Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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