The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
