I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize