Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
