she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
