Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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