Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
