i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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