I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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