Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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