Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
