that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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