Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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