he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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