I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
