Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
one might say we're banned from that church
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
