She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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