Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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