Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
