Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
