Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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