worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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