i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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