I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
