Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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