It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
