First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
