your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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