I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
