The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
