omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
