worst night to have a conscience
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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