apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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