After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
