Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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