It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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