is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
