I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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