U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize