why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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