You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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