Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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