apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
