my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize