i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
