Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
