Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
