I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
