The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
