I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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