My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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