if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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