I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
