Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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