Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
