I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize