help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
