I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
