just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
