Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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