She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
