your parents love me but you hate me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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