also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
