shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
third nipple confirmed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
