i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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