he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
