I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
