Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
