Can i not drive my cunt home
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
