Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
