She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize