Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
