By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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