I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize